Are your habits serving you?

Ever since  Spring came around I have been shedding more and more.  When I open the fridge or pantry to cook, I look around and pull out items that may have expired or have just been sitting unused for years and tossing it. When I wash my face or put on makeup I end up sorting and tossing things in my medicine cabinet and drawers.  When I get dressed, I pull out socks, shirts, dresses that are overworn or are never worn.

Since I have always moved around and often lived out of suitcases when I was touring, I don’t have tons and tons and tons of stuff.  But, after almost two years of living in one place that does have space, I have accumulated!

It’s so funny the things we (I) hold onto. I never, ever wear lipstick.  I never have but have sometimes attempted it, or at least attempted a more tinted gloss.  But, when I have received a FREE lipstick in a gift bag or gift with purchase I have hung onto it. Trying it on once a year and never ever wearing it.  Why do I keep it?  So all of those have officially been tossed, especially since I am sure they are past their expiration date.

Why do we/I hold onto clothes that we never, ever wear?  Likely, because I spent money on it and don’t want to feel the money was wasted?  But, how does leaving to sit it in my closet unworn for years give it value?  If anything it reminds me that I spent money, when I could just give it away to someone it would flatter, or who needs it.  So I have been doing that.

I have been asking myself more and more does this serve me?  How does this serve me?  Not just about things, food, clothes, items  that take up cabinet and closet space but about my choices, routines, and habits.

We get so used our routines and habits but how often do we question them?  Whether it be what time we wake up and what our morning before work/school routine is.  Or the flow of our weekends.  Even the people we socialize with.  What we eat on a daily, weekly basis.  What we do while eating dinner and between dinner and bed.  What we do when we drive to work.

Everything in our lives become routine.  My life has become more routine then ever now that I am settled into a home and have a toddler who eats and sleeps on pretty much the same schedule everyday.  Her dada, my partner still tours so he is gone a lot and my life falls into routines and habits.

Some of these habits were created when I was super sick and exhausted in the early term of my new pregnancy, when I could barely manage anything.  Lazy habits.

Some of these habits were created in the last 18 months with making Zia my number one priority and pushing my business, ideas, and creativity to the side.

Some of these habits were created years ago when I left the touring world to commit to working for myself fully.

So what I am now asking myself throughout the day is:

I have always been someone who thrived on change and was able to always see things many different ways.  I have always been someone who had a super strong sense of intuition and was able to tune in and LISTEN (even if it meant making big changes and “scary” choices).  I am still that person.

My life is fuller these days with a full of life toddler, a baby growing inside of me, and a partner in life.  This can make for lots of amazing distractions and forgetting to ask myself what do I want?  How do I want to feel?  Is this serving me?

The days, weeks, months pass by so fast!  And I love it, but I am ready for new habits (or bringing old habits back).   It is so empowering to question my daily habits and ask myself do I want to do this?  Does this serve me?

I am guessing we all have some habits and routines that are ready for a spring refresh!



If you are looking for a real wake up call sign up to be in the know for when Be Your Own Joyologist, The Program opens for the Spring Session!  And also one on one sessions are available again!  Contact me for more details!


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My top tips for getting through a hard time.

Hey there friends!  Happy March!  I truly hope that you are doing well, feeling well, and taking the best care of you.

I get that life will ALWAYS come with challenges!  Whether they be challenges while you are working towards something or challenges that pop up out of no where like health issues, car trouble, relationship issues….you name it.  Life is full of challenges.

That’s the reason I created all this with Your Joyologist, in the first place, because I saw that ALL of us need daily inspiration to keep our spirits up and remember how precious our lives are.  So that in the face of whatever challenges may come..we can life a life that we love and love ourselves through it all.

The past few months have been rough for me for many reasons and whenever I am having a rough time I like to do a few key things to help ground me and reconnect me to what matters.

1.) Take time outs to just be.  Even five minutes, preferably in nature.  Just sitting and breathing in the air and my natural surroundings with nothing in my hands, no devices, no music, no distractions (well sometimes my daughter is running around but no technology distractions).  I just lay on my back and stair up at the sky.  This small thing does wonders to rejuvinate me in body, mind and spirit.

2.) Journal.  I used to despise the idea of journaling but it really works wonders and sets me free in so many ways.  I have shared my favorite method adapted from Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages many times because it works!

3.) Connect to others. each out to friends and tell them what I am feeling and struggling with.  I allow myself to be heard and supported. Which can sometimes be challenging, but is soooo healing.  I often am not looking for advice, or encouragement or anything more than being heard.  I love to journal as mentioned, but speaking it outloud can sometimes be more powerful.

4.) Take care of myself the best that I can.  Even if I am sick, with no appetite.  Have very little time and am pulled in a ton of different directions.  I find ways to work in nutritious food and drinks and things that bring me joy.  And I get as much rest as I possibly can.

5.) Give.  Yes, giving more actually supports me and lifts me up when I am down.  Whether it be giving acknowledgments, compliments, giving items away, offering my help.  There are many ways to give.

I trust that life is always cycling and that my struggles and challenges will pass at the perfect time (most of them are not in my hands!) These darker days as always have reminded me of what is truly important to me, what to honor, and of course to always see the good.

I know that this time, these challenges are part of my story and they are helping to shape and strengthen me even more.

Thanks for allowing me to give to you!  Via my words and this special offer.

Life is working out for us all!

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The only person who must believe in you, is you.

Seriously though.

If you don’t believe in yourself how do you expect others to?

When you believe in yourself fully – you are unstoppable!

Even if it seems like no one else believes in you.

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Your voice matters.

Feeling lots of feeling today.

But at the core of it all I always choose to see the good.

The good that I am seeing is that so so so many of us are shaken up which leads to action, which leads to change, which leads to community.

Your voice matters.

You matter.

Don’t be afraid to speak up.

Don’t be afraid to take a stand for what you believe in.

Don’t believe that you are too small to matter.

You matter.

Your voice matters.

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Tune into you.

Am I resting because my body needs it or am I just being lazy?

This is a question that is coming into my mind frequently.  I am one week away from the halfway point of pregnancy now and I am still getting sick daily but a couple of weeks back I was starting to get my energy back.  I definitely still see an improvement in what it was…but as soon as Zia goes down for a nap or to sleep at night, my bed is where I want to be.

I put her down and go to my office to tackle my lists and barely last 10 minutes before I decide I need to get into bed.  So, I bring my computer to bed and return emails, do a few small tasks and then decide I am just so tired that I am worthless and close up the computer, put my lists and planners down and choose to purely rest (and try not to make myself wrong for it).

When I was in the first trimester it was easier to allow myself to rest.  To be okay with not getting as much done as I liked, but now it is an internal struggle.  I feel like I “should” be past this stage.  I “should” have more energy.  Or I “should” be able to push through.

The thing I have to remind myself is that it isn’t everyday.  Somedays I actually do feel good enough, inspired, alert, motivated to work through her entire nap and/or get more done after she goes to bed at night.

It is just those back to back exhausted days where I feel the battle take over.  Am I being lazy?  I really don’t think so.  I know what lazy feels like and sometimes we need lazy days, too.  Can I push through this?  I can push myself but will the work I will get done, be any good, or just half-assed, with little heart.  If I do push through will it be for my best?  Or will it make me even more tired, which will make me less likely to be present and inspired for the rest of the day and days to come.

I know that choosing rest is best and that allowing myself to rest is even more important. The stressing about if I can rest, the feeling guilty for resting, the shame of telling myself I am not doing enough is what is damaging.  The actual resting is not damaging.

When I allow myself to rest, I give myself the permission to not think about what I could be doing, which means my mind and my body gets rest…which really is what rest is right?  If we are laying down in our cozy beds but our minds are run, run, running, stressing, shaming, blaming, shoulding, THEN WE ARE NOT RESTING.

How do we expect to actually feel rested if our minds aren’t resting along with our bodies?Of course, we can’t hit a big pause on our brains where zero thoughts come in at all, but we can kick out the thoughts that bring us down.  We can slow down the thoughts.  We can tell ourselves that we are making the best choice right now.  We can do some mediation and breathing exercises.  We can minimize the busy-ness of our minds and actually allow ourselves to rest fully.

For me I find that when I allow myself to rest, when I say you know what I am spending this nap time in bed and I will get done, what I get done and if I get nothing done that is okay too, I end up being inspired to do more than I thought I would.  A release of expectations creates space for me to create.

Today, I was going through this internal battle.   I finally gave in and told myself it was okay to not do more, that it was okay to close the computer and put the lists away.  I even turned a show on to my iPad to fully commit to not doing anything and to try to quiet my mind from telling me I was lazy.  Less than five minutes into the show and the allowing myself to rest, I was suddenly inspired to open my computer and write.

When fifteen minutes earlier I was sitting on this same post page, trying to force myself to write something and couldn’t get anywhere.  I had one sentance that I wanted to write about and was just stuck there.  The forcing myself to write wasn’t working, but when I told myself that it was okay to not write.  That it was okay to not do anything.  That it was okay to rest, the inspiration came.

I believe the inspiration will always come, but when you try to force it, you won’t find it.  Not just the inspiration to write, inspiration in all forms.  If you are looking to make a change in your life, if you are in a place of I don’t know and so badly searching for what is next, pressuring yourself, it may be hard to find.  But if you allow yourself to be open, to be okay with the not knowing, instead of stressing about it, you are more available to the inspiration showing up.

Listen to your body.  Listen to your heart.  Listen to your intuition.

Tune into you and allow space.  Space isn’t bad.  Not knowing isn’t bad.  The shoulds, the shame, the worries, the stress….that’s the bad stuff.

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