My birthday is a few days away and this followed by the new year has me thinking more and more about what I want and how I want to do it. Having my birthday 40 days after the start of the new year tends to give more time to really think about how I want my year to go.
Instead of rushing to throw out goals for 2017 after the holiday rush, I spent the last month considering, weighing things out, asking myself is that really what I want, and thinking about the hows. Things are different now that I am a mom and have so far chosen to be Zia’s full time care and I don’t have all the time to create and work. And now that I am expecting baby girl number two it really has me thinking about the how! (and also gave me the time to ponder more as I was too sick to get to work!)
I have always been easily distracted by what is possible. I see what someone else is doing and think, “I could do that!” Maybe I will do that this year. Oh that’s a good idea, I could try that! And on and on. I mean, yay me that I have always thought I could do anything….but that can have downfalls!
It’s not that I am trying to copy someone else, I am not. I genuinely get excited and inspired by what I see is possible and what works, but I know I would make everything my own way. So my mind and journals can get filled up with loads of ideas that initially excite me, but thankfully do to the sickness of my first trimester, I wasn’t acting on anything. So I was given the space and time to then weed through different ideas and spend time with them all. Or rather give these ideas some time to see if the excitement sustains me or if I end up thinking and feeling meh, while also thinking about the how’s.
I know when I truly want to do something when I can’t stop thinking about it, want to do it at any cost (meaning I think more about how much I want to do it, then how much it will cost me or how much money I could make from it), and that everytime I revisit it I get a big jolt of YES! Also, the how shows up easily for me and in a way that I am excited about, even if it won’t be “easy”.
You know that saying only do it if it is a Fuck Yeah. It’s like that. I don’t want to put my energy towards something that doesn’t give me that jolt. Sure…there are often steps along the journey to making that Fuck Yeah come to fruition that do not feel like Fuck Yeah in my bones…but I let the end picture motivate me through those steps. Because let’s be real there is no fucking way that every step along the way to your Fuck Yeah is going to be exciting and make you want to jump out of bed to get to work.
That’s where using your powerful brain muscles to remind you of the goal and motivate you to get out of bed and be excited about the work you are doing to make that Fuck Yeah happen! Our mind’s are tricky! They try their best to stop us, talk us out of what we want and make us feel like shit! But….did you know they are reprogrammable? They are! (Check out my Be Your Own Joyologist Program, it is all about reprogramming your mind and more!) So, don’t let your mind bully you into telling you that you can’t or won’t or shouldn’t….reprogram it to support you, motivate you and inspire you. It’s totally doable, I just had to do it myself. While I was writing this a mean mind monster popped up to tell me that writing was not valuable enough to be doing while paying someone to watch Zia.
So, I immediately stopped typing picked up my pen and wrote this in front of me.
The funny thing is that writing and blogging is actually a huge part of my vision for 2017. It was one of the main things I wanted to have the time to do again while having Zia in someone else’s care. It is nourishing to me and makes me feel more connected to myself and to all of you….but yet my mean mind tried to jump in and tell me it wasn’t enough. So I am using this affirmation to keep me going and bring me back to my vision.
My day of rebirth (birthday) is at the end of the week and although it is not a deadline, it is motivating me to get my shit more together as far as what my future will hold as a business owner and a mother. I know that the things that I want to create and change will not happen overnight and that can be discouraging. I honestly was feeling discouraged today because after making two steps last week toward my new vision I didn’t see any big change. Um….give it some time, girl. Keep doing the work! I have to remind myself of the vision I am creating and how it makes me feel. That all of these steps are part of the vision that feels right to me, that inspires me and even if I don’t see direct or immediate results how does it feel to be working on the vision, to be making these steps!
The how has also become just as important as the what, now. I have to ask myself, sure that may be a good path for me to look into but what does the how look like? Is it sustainable for me as the mother of kids that are not yet in school and the business owner? What kind of help would I need?
Choices like this are always made easier when money isn’t an issue. If I had constant, supportive, abundant cash flow this change likely would have happened sooner. But, in running my own business I don’t have clear, consistent income from month to month and the choice of having a product line means having lots of expenses…like having to buy large amounts of product to get good pricing to be able to have products to sell! Crazy, I know!
So this choice, this change is fucking scary. Like, sitting in a coffee shop writing this, and crying while a babysitter that I am paying is watching Zia, scary. I am not afraid of Zia getting good care. I think it is great for her to be experiencing different people. It’s all about that damn cash flow! But this fear of not being able to afford help is not inviting the cash to flow. I am currently on the path to reprogramming my own mind to support me in this.
If everytime I hand over money, or think about handing over money to someone I feel fear, worry and doubt I am only breathing more and more life into the fears, worries and doubts, which will not motivate me to work harder. They will shut me down and tell me I can’t. I am not enough. It isn’t going to work.
If everytime I hand over money or think about handing over money, I tell myself I am abundant, I am valuable, I am supported then I will be breathing life into that mentality which will then motivate me to keep working on the vision!
I do believe in myself. I do believe in my dreams, in my vision. I do believe that I am valuable, that I am abundant, that I am necessary. I can support my vision and have childcare.
What is one major thought that you want to overcome? One that keeps popping up for you and talks you out of what you want or from actually enjoying your life or loving yourself?
Mine has been: I can’t afford help. So of course, I couldn’t afford help….because that is what I had been brainwashing myself to believe for the past year +. That thought is no longer allowed in my mind. It has been officially kicked out and exchanged with thoughts that support me and my vision for 2017!
Take some time to think about it. Journal on it (I love the morning pages method) Spend a day with it. See what shitty thought keeps coming up for you. Take note and then take action!!!! Create a new thought that supports you! I of course love to make it an affirmation, starting with I am, so that I am called into it!
We are all allowed to do what serves us! We must! And that means kicking the shitty, mean, disempowering thoughts out!
I am excited for the changes I am committing to this year and I am excited to be back here, sharing more with you. That is something that feels good to me that I plan to continue more in 2017! WooHoo!