My top tips for getting through a hard time.

Hey there friends!  Happy March!  I truly hope that you are doing well, feeling well, and taking the best care of you.

I get that life will ALWAYS come with challenges!  Whether they be challenges while you are working towards something or challenges that pop up out of no where like health issues, car trouble, relationship issues….you name it.  Life is full of challenges.

That’s the reason I created all this with Your Joyologist, in the first place, because I saw that ALL of us need daily inspiration to keep our spirits up and remember how precious our lives are.  So that in the face of whatever challenges may come..we can life a life that we love and love ourselves through it all.

The past few months have been rough for me for many reasons and whenever I am having a rough time I like to do a few key things to help ground me and reconnect me to what matters.

1.) Take time outs to just be.  Even five minutes, preferably in nature.  Just sitting and breathing in the air and my natural surroundings with nothing in my hands, no devices, no music, no distractions (well sometimes my daughter is running around but no technology distractions).  I just lay on my back and stair up at the sky.  This small thing does wonders to rejuvinate me in body, mind and spirit.

2.) Journal.  I used to despise the idea of journaling but it really works wonders and sets me free in so many ways.  I have shared my favorite method adapted from Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages many times because it works!

3.) Connect to others. each out to friends and tell them what I am feeling and struggling with.  I allow myself to be heard and supported. Which can sometimes be challenging, but is soooo healing.  I often am not looking for advice, or encouragement or anything more than being heard.  I love to journal as mentioned, but speaking it outloud can sometimes be more powerful.

4.) Take care of myself the best that I can.  Even if I am sick, with no appetite.  Have very little time and am pulled in a ton of different directions.  I find ways to work in nutritious food and drinks and things that bring me joy.  And I get as much rest as I possibly can.

5.) Give.  Yes, giving more actually supports me and lifts me up when I am down.  Whether it be giving acknowledgments, compliments, giving items away, offering my help.  There are many ways to give.

I trust that life is always cycling and that my struggles and challenges will pass at the perfect time (most of them are not in my hands!) These darker days as always have reminded me of what is truly important to me, what to honor, and of course to always see the good.

I know that this time, these challenges are part of my story and they are helping to shape and strengthen me even more.

Thanks for allowing me to give to you!  Via my words and this special offer.

Life is working out for us all!

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Tune into you.

Am I resting because my body needs it or am I just being lazy?

This is a question that is coming into my mind frequently.  I am one week away from the halfway point of pregnancy now and I am still getting sick daily but a couple of weeks back I was starting to get my energy back.  I definitely still see an improvement in what it was…but as soon as Zia goes down for a nap or to sleep at night, my bed is where I want to be.

I put her down and go to my office to tackle my lists and barely last 10 minutes before I decide I need to get into bed.  So, I bring my computer to bed and return emails, do a few small tasks and then decide I am just so tired that I am worthless and close up the computer, put my lists and planners down and choose to purely rest (and try not to make myself wrong for it).

When I was in the first trimester it was easier to allow myself to rest.  To be okay with not getting as much done as I liked, but now it is an internal struggle.  I feel like I “should” be past this stage.  I “should” have more energy.  Or I “should” be able to push through.

The thing I have to remind myself is that it isn’t everyday.  Somedays I actually do feel good enough, inspired, alert, motivated to work through her entire nap and/or get more done after she goes to bed at night.

It is just those back to back exhausted days where I feel the battle take over.  Am I being lazy?  I really don’t think so.  I know what lazy feels like and sometimes we need lazy days, too.  Can I push through this?  I can push myself but will the work I will get done, be any good, or just half-assed, with little heart.  If I do push through will it be for my best?  Or will it make me even more tired, which will make me less likely to be present and inspired for the rest of the day and days to come.

I know that choosing rest is best and that allowing myself to rest is even more important. The stressing about if I can rest, the feeling guilty for resting, the shame of telling myself I am not doing enough is what is damaging.  The actual resting is not damaging.

When I allow myself to rest, I give myself the permission to not think about what I could be doing, which means my mind and my body gets rest…which really is what rest is right?  If we are laying down in our cozy beds but our minds are run, run, running, stressing, shaming, blaming, shoulding, THEN WE ARE NOT RESTING.

How do we expect to actually feel rested if our minds aren’t resting along with our bodies?Of course, we can’t hit a big pause on our brains where zero thoughts come in at all, but we can kick out the thoughts that bring us down.  We can slow down the thoughts.  We can tell ourselves that we are making the best choice right now.  We can do some mediation and breathing exercises.  We can minimize the busy-ness of our minds and actually allow ourselves to rest fully.

For me I find that when I allow myself to rest, when I say you know what I am spending this nap time in bed and I will get done, what I get done and if I get nothing done that is okay too, I end up being inspired to do more than I thought I would.  A release of expectations creates space for me to create.

Today, I was going through this internal battle.   I finally gave in and told myself it was okay to not do more, that it was okay to close the computer and put the lists away.  I even turned a show on to my iPad to fully commit to not doing anything and to try to quiet my mind from telling me I was lazy.  Less than five minutes into the show and the allowing myself to rest, I was suddenly inspired to open my computer and write.

When fifteen minutes earlier I was sitting on this same post page, trying to force myself to write something and couldn’t get anywhere.  I had one sentance that I wanted to write about and was just stuck there.  The forcing myself to write wasn’t working, but when I told myself that it was okay to not write.  That it was okay to not do anything.  That it was okay to rest, the inspiration came.

I believe the inspiration will always come, but when you try to force it, you won’t find it.  Not just the inspiration to write, inspiration in all forms.  If you are looking to make a change in your life, if you are in a place of I don’t know and so badly searching for what is next, pressuring yourself, it may be hard to find.  But if you allow yourself to be open, to be okay with the not knowing, instead of stressing about it, you are more available to the inspiration showing up.

Listen to your body.  Listen to your heart.  Listen to your intuition.

Tune into you and allow space.  Space isn’t bad.  Not knowing isn’t bad.  The shoulds, the shame, the worries, the stress….that’s the bad stuff.

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We are all allowed to do what serves us! We must!

My birthday is a few days away and this followed by the new year has me thinking more and more about what I want and how I want to do it.  Having my birthday 40 days after the start of the new year tends to give more time to really think about how I want my year to go.

Instead of rushing to throw out goals for 2017 after the holiday rush, I spent the last month considering, weighing things out, asking myself is that really what I want, and thinking about the hows.  Things are different now that I am a mom and have so far chosen to be Zia’s full time care and I don’t have all the time to create and work.  And now that I am expecting baby girl number two it really has me thinking about the how! (and also gave me the time to ponder more as I was too sick to get to work!)

I have always been easily distracted by what is possible.  I see what someone else is doing and think, “I could do that!”  Maybe I will do that this year.   Oh that’s a good idea, I could try that!  And on and on.  I mean, yay me that I have always thought I could do anything….but that can have downfalls!

It’s not that I am trying to copy someone else, I am not.  I genuinely get excited and inspired by what I see is possible and what works, but I know I would make everything my own way.  So my mind and journals can get filled up with loads of ideas that initially excite me, but thankfully do to the sickness of my first trimester, I wasn’t acting on anything.  So I was given the space and time to then weed through different ideas and spend time with them all. Or rather give these ideas some time to see if the excitement sustains me or if I end up thinking  and feeling meh, while also thinking about the how’s.

I know when I truly want to do something when I can’t stop thinking about it, want to do it at any cost (meaning I think more about how much I want to do it, then how much it will cost me or how much money I could make from it), and that everytime I revisit it I get a big jolt of YES!  Also, the how shows up easily for me and in a way that I am excited about, even if it won’t be “easy”.

You know that saying only do it if it is a Fuck Yeah.  It’s like that.  I don’t want to put my energy towards something that doesn’t give me that jolt.  Sure…there are often steps along the journey to making that Fuck Yeah come to fruition that do not feel like Fuck Yeah in my bones…but I let the end picture motivate me through those steps.  Because let’s be real there is no fucking way that every step along the way to your Fuck Yeah is going to be exciting and make you want to jump out of bed to get to work.

That’s where using your powerful brain muscles to remind you of the goal and motivate you to get out of bed and be excited about the work you are doing to make that Fuck Yeah happen!  Our mind’s are tricky!  They try their best to stop us, talk us out of what we want and make us feel like shit!  But….did you know they are reprogrammable? They are!  (Check out my Be Your Own Joyologist Program, it is all about reprogramming your mind and more!)  So, don’t let your mind bully you into telling you that you can’t or won’t or shouldn’t….reprogram it to support you, motivate you and inspire you.  It’s totally doable, I just had to do it myself.   While I was writing this a mean mind monster popped up to tell me that writing was not valuable enough to be doing while paying someone to watch Zia.

So, I immediately stopped typing picked up my pen and wrote this in front of me.

I am allowed!

 

The funny thing is that writing and blogging is actually a huge part of my vision for 2017.  It was one of the main things I wanted to have the time to do again while having Zia in someone else’s care.  It is nourishing to me and makes me feel more connected to myself and to all of you….but yet my mean mind tried to jump in and tell me it wasn’t enough.  So I am using this affirmation to keep me going and bring me back to my vision.

My day of rebirth (birthday)  is at the end of the week and although it is not a deadline, it is motivating me to get my shit more together as far as what my future will hold as a business owner and a mother.  I know that the things that I want to create and change will not happen overnight and that can be discouraging.  I honestly was feeling discouraged today because after making two steps last week toward my new vision I didn’t see any big change.   Um….give it some time, girl.  Keep doing the work!  I have to remind myself of the vision I am creating and how it makes me feel.  That all of these steps are part of the vision that feels right to me, that inspires me and even if I don’t see direct or immediate results how does it feel to be working on the vision, to be making these steps!

The how has also become just as important as the what, now.  I have to ask myself, sure that may be a good path for me to look into but what does the how look like?  Is it sustainable for me as the mother of kids that are not yet in school and the business owner?  What kind of help would I need?

Choices like this are always made easier when money isn’t an issue.  If I had constant, supportive, abundant cash flow this change likely would have happened sooner.  But, in running my own business I don’t have clear, consistent income from month to month and the choice of having a product line means having lots of expenses…like having to buy large amounts of product to get good pricing to be able to have products to sell!  Crazy, I know!

So this choice, this change is fucking scary.  Like, sitting in a coffee shop writing this, and crying while a babysitter that I am paying is watching Zia, scary.  I am not afraid of Zia getting good care.  I think it is great for her to be experiencing different people.  It’s all about that damn cash flow!  But this fear of not being able to afford help is not inviting the cash to flow.  I am currently on the path to reprogramming my own mind to support me in this.

If everytime I hand over money, or think about handing over money to someone I feel fear, worry and doubt I am only breathing more and more life into the fears, worries and doubts, which will not motivate me to work harder.  They will shut me down and tell me I can’t.  I am not enough.  It isn’t going to work.

If everytime I hand over money or think about handing over money, I tell myself I am abundant, I am valuable, I am supported then I will be breathing life into that mentality which will then motivate me to keep working on the vision!

I do believe in myself.  I do believe in my dreams, in my vision.   I do believe that I am valuable, that I am abundant, that I am necessary.  I can support my vision and have childcare.

What is one major thought that you want to overcome?  One that keeps popping up for you and talks you out of what you want or from actually enjoying your life or loving yourself?

Mine has been: I can’t afford help.    So of course, I couldn’t afford help….because that is what I had been brainwashing myself to believe for the past year +.  That thought is no longer allowed in my mind.  It has been officially kicked out and exchanged with thoughts that support me and my vision for 2017!

Take some time to think about it. Journal on it (I love the morning pages method) Spend a day with it.  See what shitty thought keeps coming up for you.  Take note and then take action!!!!  Create a new thought that supports you!  I of course love to make it an affirmation, starting with I am, so that I am called into it!

We are all allowed to do what serves us!  We must!  And that means kicking the shitty, mean, disempowering thoughts out!

I am excited for the changes I am committing to this year and I am excited to be back here, sharing more with you.  That is something that feels good to me that I plan to continue more in 2017!  WooHoo!

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You are allowed to dream beyond your budget! In fact you must.

Do you ever find yourself putting limits or even kaboshing a dream because “that costs money and I don’t have it”.

Yeah, it’s easy to do.

Just now as I was cooking lunch, I thought to myself I want a new pot with steamer attachment.  And immediatly said, NOPE.  Can’t afford that right now.  Not spending money and that is not a necessity.

This is obviously a teeny tiny dream, but it is just one of the many things that I have been putting the immediate kabosh on lately.  Everything from a new steamer pot to a new product I want to create, to being able to have a booth for my products at a major gift show, to attending a yoga class while paying a sitter to watch Zia.

I have been squashing my dreams and not giving them any hope this past month that I have put myself on a strict no spending budget.

But the thing is…they are dreams.  I need them, we need them, to inspire us to keep going, keep working, keep progressing.

We need to take away the boundaries of our dreams to allow ourselves to fully see what we want.

If you only allow yourself to dream with barriers, you really aren’t allowing yourself to dream at all. (Tweet it!)

 

Your dreams are meant to inspire you!  And while sometimes they can seem so out of touch with the life you are currently living, they ARE possible.  By shooting yourself down immediately you, and only you, make them impossible.

Dream past your budget. - yourjoyologist.com

 

To help myself get around this constant kaboshing, I thought, what if I created a list of things I will buy when I do have the money.  And not a list of things I would buy if I had money.  But a list I WILL BUY, WHEN I HAVE THE MONEY.  Because saying and writing it that way creates it as possible.

Our words our powerful and small changes from using words like would, should, could to will are HUGE!

So right now while Zia is napping I am starting my abundant lists of dreams.  One for those everyday home and personal items (new yoga pants, steamer basket, yoga class) and one for my dreams for growing my business.

I already feel inspired, excited, and lighter by allowing myself to be a yes to these dreams big and small again.  These lists will motivate me to create more ways to bring money in and I will be thrilled when I get to mark off even the smallest of items.

Your dreams are possible.  Stop shooting yourself down.  Allow yourself to think bigger than your current situation.  Allow yourself to dream beyond your budget!

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Want more tools on how to get out of your own way and one on one guidance from me? My Be Your Own Joyologist Program is enrolling now!  We start February 13th!

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One Thing You Want to do Before the End of the Year.

There are only a few more days left in 2016!  And they will be gone in a flash!

So, right now do yourself a favor and pencil in some you time before the end of the year!

Open your calendar and find a day that you can sharpie (make it permanent, not erasable!) in even just one hour of time for you and only you.  This doesn’t mean schedule a massage or fitness class or time to run errands.  Although of course all self care practices are recommended as well!

But for this hour, allow yourself to block EVERYTHING out, go to a quiet, cozy room or an outdoor space, or even a favorite cafe, with pen and paper and a cozy cup of tea (or coffee, or wine).  Allow yourself to process your 2016 onto the page.  Write what comes. No pressure.  No order.  Write memories.  Feelings.  People.  Frustrations.  Wins.  Hardships.  Just allow everything and anything you want onto the page.

When you feel complete in your processing of 2016, start a new page and allow yourself to dream up your 2017.  It does’t need to be a list of goals or resolutions.  Imagine how you want to feel.  How you don’t want to feel.  The people or kinds of people you want to surround yourself with.  Any personal or professional dreams you have.  What you want to say no to.  Your words for the year.  Your intentions.   Again just let it out.  ALLOW YOURSELF TO DREAM.  Allow yourself to see it all as possible!

The Best Way to Welcome in the new year!

I promise you this journaling exercise will leave feeling content, satisfied and inspired!  You never even have to look at the pages again.  In fact you could rip them up and burn them.  The processing you did in them will be within you.

Have you done it yet?  Have you found your day, your hour?  DO it!  I promise it will be the most amazing way to welcome in your new year and get back in touch with YOU!

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Want more tools to keep you inspired and motivated in 2017? Here are my top picks from the shop!

The I am Affirmation Mug

The I am Affirmation Mug

The I Will Notepad

The I Will Notepad

 

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