Can you love yourself where you are?

I’ve noticed some things since giving birth this second time.

I am way more compassionate with my body.

A few times I have noticed myself sitting on the couch and lovingly placing my hand over my pooch of a belly. It doesn’t take long for me to remember, wait there is no baby in there, anymore. That’s just your stomach. And my unconscious reaction is to pull my hand back like that’s wrong to have it there, with no baby inside.

But every time I have caught myself and realized or reaffirmed to my judgy mind that I am allowed to love myself. Even if there is no baby inside me.  Even if there is not a flat stomach. This thing that happens so naturally when pregnant, women placing their hands lovingly on their bellies, likely NEVER happens to the non-pregnant.  Because pregnant we are showing love to the baby inside, not our bodies but we deserve that love too.  That unconscious love that brings our hands to our bellies in adoration.

My body is amazing and resilient and it deserves my love. It may not be my ideal at the moment as I haven’t found or created much time to workout since birth and breastfeeding makes me so HUNGRY.  Way more than pregnancy.  Yet, when I find myself in the mirror even naked I don’t flinch or grimace or feel shame. 

Yes, I do want to be fitter and firmer and I do sneak bits of exercise in throughout the day. But more so because it makes me feel good not because I don’t feel enough as I am. Feeling strong and flexible feels good and the movement helps my mind.

Another thing I have noticed is compassion for where I am at in my fitness and flexibility level. Often in the short moments kid one is playing with toys and kid two is tolerating her fancy chair I do some stretches and short yoga flows and am often slightly shocked to find how unlimber I am. How things that used to be so fluid to me take way more space, more breath, more care.

Where long ago I might become frustrated that I am so far from where I once was and what used to feel so naturally to me, instead I feel excitement at remembering what is possible. Of what will come.

Instead of being frustrated and pushing myself too hard. I allow the openness to come naurally and I truly feel excitement for getting back to the flexier me that once was. And hey maybe someday I will finally be able to hold a fancy handstand far far away from a wall. It’s possible and it will come in its own time.

I am feeling so much compassion with myself. It feels better this way. Too not beat myself up. To not look in the mirror at my stomach and legs and arms with shame. Do I wish they were smaller and more firm? Yes. And I am creating the space for that to happen without shame or disgust or shoulds.

I am loving myself where I am. For what I am. And that love and appreciation inspires me to take the best care of me and sometimes that means fitting in mountain climbers when my hands are free and a baby isn’t strapped to me and sometimes than means thoroughly enjoying a batch of cookies. Yes I said a batch. Not just one.

I don’t know if it’s my age or having birthed to kids in two years or the culmination of decades of a growing self love practice and teaching, but damn it feels good to be fully accepting, fully loving of myself inside and out.

Meet yourself where you are. Love yourself where you are and for who you are now. That is the way to create change. Not from self loathing. Because it is likely even when you do lose weight or get in better shape you still will be self loathing.

Start on the inside and the outside will come naturally and be more sustainable because it will come from love and appreciation not loathing and comparison.


PS.  This I am notepad is available in my shop and perfect for creating your own affirmations!


PPS.  Need some real help on loving yourself FULLY.  My next round of Be Your Own Joyologist. The Program will be enrolling soon!

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How Thinking Small is the Key to Living Big

Guess what?  My new baby girl is three weeks old!  Arrow Rose was born at 4:35pm on July 24th and we were all in love immediately. It’s truly been amazing to have another tiny human here but it is of course very time consuming…and arm consuming.

I have been making sure to take care of myself and get rest whenever possible now that I have a high energy almost two year old and this new little bundle of joy.  Being a small business owner and my own boss I don’t have a real maternity leave, but have sort of lowered my goals over the next few months.  My hope is to keep things current, but not worry myself with growth or doing anything new.
This is somewhat of a challenge as of course ideas old and new are still coming to me as well as that itch that I do WANT to do work. It’s just that time is short and I often have a tiny human attached to me (she is currently as I type this).

I have emails to return, newsletters  I want to write, blogs I want to create and share (yay, I am doing it), the app I am developing to work further on…and so much more.   I know I don’t HAVE to do any of this and taking care of me, my family, oh yeah  packing up to finally move at the end of the month are higher priorities.  BUT, I do truly WANT to get some business things flowing.  Especially since my business is really just an extension of who I am.

So, I am taking my own advice this week and thinking SMALL!  My goal this week is to get one thing done each day this week. Yes, just ONE! And it doesn’t even have to be a big thing.  Writing this blog is my one thing for today. (Yay! I am doing it!)

Why think small?  In my own personal experience I find that if I give myself a long list of things I tend to not do any thing.  I jump around with where to start, maybe start a few things but don’t finish any of it!  And the list just grows and then I get anxious and feel bad about not getting anything done.

It is just like when I know that I want to get some exercise in but I am feeling too lazy or tired or like I don’t have enough time to get to it.  I tell myself just 5 minutes (or 15, or 15 depending on where I am in my life, time, tiredness) and because I have such low goal it is easy for me to just jump in and start and then often I am motivated to KEEP GOING!

With this goal of one thing per day, my chances of succeeding are high. Then I feel good about getting something done which has the potential to motivate me to get one more thing done!  And even if I just stick with the one thing per day, I feel accomplished.  I get to acknowledge myself for making progress!  And I am actually getting things done!

Baby steps are steps!  By thinking small you actually get into motion and that feels good and motivates us to keep going!  This doesn’t mean to not have big goals…but to simply break down those big goals into small, manageable, actionable steps!  It works for me, it works for my clients….and I have a feeling it will work for you too!

I also use this just think small/just 5 minutes approach to cleaning my house.  It is so easy to put it off. But you will be amazed how much you can get done in just 5 minutes!
So…. how about you?  How can you start small?

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Not all Times are Easy….Trust the Journey

If you follow my Instagram (@beingtricia) you know that I have been on a ride these past few months with my second baby due (seriously any day now) and being forced to move which has turned into a search to finally buy.  Just one day before we had planned to renew our lease, we were told it wasn’t being renewed as the owner was moving back in.

The thing is, that whole month leading up to that day we had been looking to buy and trying to decide if we wanted to renew or try to buy or find a new rental, as our current rental house wouldn’t allow month to month, only a year renewal. We had decided to renew and then keep looking to buy and would have to break the lease if and when we found our home, which would mean losing some money but we would only have to move once.  And we really love our current rental..we even offered to buy it.

So, we had put it out there into the universe that we wanted to buy.  With this new news of HAVING to find a new home we gave ourselves one month to find a buy and if we couldn’t find a buy we would look for a new rental, as they had given us a two month move out notice.  Meaning that we had to be out 11 days after my due date. FUN!

After stalking real estate sites and seeing dozens of houses in person, we found a really great place for the money we wanted to spend that had everything we were looking for, but of course would need some changes/fixes.  We entered escrow and the timing was going to be perfect! We were going to be able to move in the week before I was due! And be out of our current rental by July 31st, the date they gave us to be out by!!! YES!!!! It was all working out!

But, we weren’t getting too excited because the seller had a contingency and was apparently going through some serious family medical issues so wasn’t given the sale much attention and it made us feel shaky but I kept believing it was all working out even though my partner kept the house hunt open just in case.  Then two weeks into escrow, after we paid for the inspection and appraisal and had done everything on our part, she pulled out! And we were back to square one and the time was closing on us.

To add more fun to the ride the owner of our rental requested to show the house to renters just a few days later.  ?!?!?!??!!?!?  What?!?!  He was kicking us out to rent to someone else???  When I was due to have a freaking baby!  What the hell?!?!

I was definitely feeling a bit of rage…but kept this mantra up.

And it was! His plan fell through (he was going to rent to a military buddy) and he decided to keep using the property manager and that meant we are now able to go month to month until we lock in a new home!!!!!

When we found out the owner’s plans fell through I was like seriously?!!! He put us through all of that for the past two months and now really we are fine to stay?!!?  So, really we could have just renewed our lease like we intended to?

BUT, I think it was a good thing.  It got us motivated to buy, to be clearer and clearer on what we wanted, what we didn’t want, where we are open to moving to, and how much we are open to paying for it.  He forced us to get serious about what we did want.  Because we could have just found another rental and been done with it.  We could have just renewed our lease for a full year and not made much progress in buying and now we get to go month to month and (HOPEFULLY) find our home.

A good portion of our stuff is already packed or been given away and I feel great about that even if we stay here another two months or more.  I got to clear out what we really don’t need and use.  I got to simplify and keeping moving more and more that way.

These past couple months have felt a bit like an intense spiritual journey, it was a huge practice in the art of non-attachment, trusting the journey and reinforcing my belief and teaching to create possibilities not expectations.

We are still on a bit of a roller coaster with where will we go next?! And moving with a newborn doesn’t sound like the easiest, and our costs at this rental are going up….but I am trusting this journey!  And all of the ups and downs of my entire life that have gotten me right here.

So hey….maybe you aren’t going through the best time of your life right now…but how about joining me in trusting the journey?

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Make Space for Dead Space.

I have been noticing lately that as a mom, business owner, partner, momma to be, person looking for a new home for her family and all of the other things I currently identify with I rarely remember to allow truly dead space.

All day long I am navigating taking care of my daughter, running the business, feeding my family, picking up our messes, researching all the things, house hunting, keeping in touch with friends and on and on that when I actually have down time, I forget that it is possible (and actually a good thing) to do nothing.

To read nothing, to watch nothing, to be doing nothing but just being there with myself  and the space.  Even when taking a bath recently I remember asking myself, okay what I am going to do during this bath?  Watch a show or read a book?  Oh wait….I could just sit here with nothing on, nothing to immerse myself in and just BE in the bath.

I realized that because my days are so full and that I do love to watch a good show and unwind reading a great book that when I get “ME” time at the end of the day (especially when the Dada is away on tour) I end up filling all the time with a balance of getting work done, getting house stuff done, research and  indulging on entertainment but I was forgetting to leave void space.

I definitely always had and have down time, I made sure of that.  I haven’t been running myself into the ground.  I listen to my body, put my feet up, go to bed early (most of the time), do self care practices.  BUT, I always had something occupying my attention. Working in bed while watching a show.  Relaxing in a bath while reading a book.  Laying down while catching up on social media.

So, really I was never turning off.  I was never leaving space.  Sure, I was relaxing but while still keeping somewhat occupied.  So for the past few weeks I have been working to implement some truly dead space.  And yes even when I brought attention to the lack of space and did allow it my mind would  still be working…but with no other distractions or devices I was able to fully be in that space and allow that space.  My mind turned on and off but it was actually able to turn off. 

I know that I need that, we all need that.  We need the void.  Even if it is small segments here and there.  The days where I allow myself to sit down outside and just gaze at the trees and the sky for even two minutes recharge me far more than the time spent in front of the TV with a iPhone in my hand scrolling through feeds.

So, hey….do yourself a favor and allow some dead space in your life.  Even a few minutes. Surrender your devices.  Turn off your mind of all of your todos.  And allow yourself to just be.

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Life is the Practice of Continuously Letting Go

Yesterday we found out that we HAVE to move out of our current home where we have been for the past two years in 60 days.  My due date with baby girl number 2 (name yet to be determined) is in 49 days.  The timing is not great, to say the least.   But, that’s life.

It would seem that I have no choice.  And I/we don’t in the fact that we MUST move.  But, I still have choice.

The choice to let go any attachment to what I thought was going to be happening in the next few months and to create new possibilities.

I have the choice of fighting this news with anger, rage, this isn’t fairs, what are we going to do, worries, stress, you know all of that shitty, ugly, heavy baggage that we so easily throw into the mix.

I have the choice of accepting what is and moving forward with the outlook and attitude that everything is working out for the best.

And that is the choice that I am making.

I’ve come to realize lately that life is about continuously letting go.  We are constantly acquiring things and so of course we must be continuously letting go.  And not just of possessions and objects.  We are constantly taking information in, new experiences, media, so many things.  I mean really stop to think of all of the life you experience in one day, even if your days are very much the same there is so much that we are taking in, filing in, making sense of (or trying to), and assigning meaning to.

Our minds are absorbing and creating rules we think we have to follow, ways to dress, to eat, to express ourselves, ways are lives, relationships, bodies, routines, work “should” be. We get inspired by others, intimidated by others, attached to others.

I am getting a bit exhausted just thinking of it all.  Of course, we need to also constantly be letting go!  I always laugh when I am selling my products out in person and someone picks up one of my Let That Shit Go items and says oh so and so needs this.  I reply, EVERYONE needs this.  We all need reminders to let go, all the time!

Being pregnant a second time around, while chasing after and caring for my now 20 month daughter has really been a reminder in this.  Being a mom and entrepreneur period has been a great lesson in letting go, but add the exhaustion and constant changes that come with pregnancy and wham bam.

I have had to really been gentle with myself and my work goals.  There are so, so, so many things that I want to be doing that I jot down ideas for and get excited about but have to be okay with making slow progress on because getting rest and taking proper care of myself has to come first.  I have to ask myself is this something I really, truly want to do or just something I CAN do and only move forward with the things that make the most sense for my current life and the passion I feel towards doing it.

With the news of this move I have to let go of what feels like will be an easier, more comfortable future.  Something that many of us have to let go of when we feel in our hearts that we are ready for a change. This change is being initiated by someone else…but so, so many times I have been the one to initiate myself.  The making a big life change that is exciting and scary at the same time because you are leaving the comfort of what you know behind.

I am only one full day into knowing this news, so I am sure I will go on a ride of emotions and that is okay.  Feeling is good.  I see plenty of journaling (read about my fave way to journal here) and walks in my future (my favorite ways to get out of my head and work things out).  But, I also have already started to let go of possessions as well.

Every time that I have stepped into my closet I end up grabbing a piece of clothing or a few that I now finally feel ready to let go of.  Every time that I open my kitchen pantry I grab something that is ready to be let go of.  Every time that I use something from my bathroom vanity and counter, I grab something I haven’t used since I moved in, or is otherwise not going used and toss it.

I am continuously letting go and honestly it feels great. It feels freeing.  It feels empowering.  Life will work out.  Life IS working out.  Even if we end up without a new place to live when baby girl number two comes, it will be okay.  I realize that although we don’t have the biggest budget.  We don’t have regular, stable income.  We still have a lot more than people around the world.  And those people that don’t have much at all, still live life full of love and joy.

If you want more guidance on letting go, living a life of no shoulds and soooo much more, check out my Be Your Own Joyologist Program!  It is opening up again soon!

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