Tag Archives: hold space

Can you be kind, even in traffic?

In the past few weeks I have taken notice to my reactions to traffic.

A couple of weeks ago I was headed on a regular hour drive for a business meeting.  Southern California has a lot of traffic and often at not just regular business hour time frames.  But, with this route that I was taking, I rarely hit traffic.  I was not going into Los Angeles, but south of where I am.  The time of day that I was driving was before any commutes home from work would begin.  I was not expecting any traffic.  I don’t even think the possibility of traffic had crossed my mind, actually.

I was about twenty minutes into my drive, zooming down the highway, when I started to see some brake lights come on.  My initial reaction was, “Oh NO! I hope everyone is okay!” For the first time in what seems like an eternity my thoughts about traffic were those of compassion.

I did not go to a “WTF! why is there traffic?!” or a “UGH really SoCal, really you always have to have traffic?” or even a “CRAP, am I going to be late for my meeting?”

It wasn’t because I had left with plenty of time for traffic.  I hadn’t.  I left with only the exact amount of time it takes to get there with out ever slowing down.

I was shocked that for once I was not thinking about myself and how traffic was affecting me.  I was also shocked that I tend to not have this reaction to traffic everyday, when in fact there are often accidents.

The entire time that I inched along on the highway, I could feel my entire body praying for everyone who may have been involved.  When, really I had no evidence that an accident had even happened.  It could have been construction.  It could have been simply that a lot of people were traveling at the same time.  It could have been a number of things.

I never did see any evidence to explain the traffic and after a bit of time I was back to zooming along.  The traffic had passed, but that feeling did not.

This weekend though, I was taking that exact same route south but this time on a Saturday morning around 11:30am.  Again, I thought there would be no traffic on this route. What I had forgotten about was that it was Memorial weekend and that people were traveling for short getaways.  The traffic was like I had never seen going south.  I was pisssssed!

This time the idea of an accident did not pop to mind, when really there very well could have been an accident.  Yes, this was a more expected travel time, so traffic made more sense to me, like traffic makes sense to me when traveling to LA.

To be clear, I do not usually get super agro in traffic.  I accept it.  It is definitely not where I want to be, but I choose to live in Southern California where traffic is more common than no traffic.  I usually plan for traffic and sit tight singing along to my favorite jams or catching up with friends using my car’s hands free function.

But, still I was shocked that in my accepting traffic, I actually never acknowledged that the traffic could be in part because of accidents.  As someone who prides herself on being conscious and being a master space holder of compassion, wow, I shocked myself!  So, now I have new way of being to implement while being in traffic.  My new intention while I am in traffic, regardless of what it is caused by, is to take the time to send love, compassion and unity out into the world.  

For many years now, whenever I am feeling down it inspires me to be even more compassionate to strangers that I happen to share space with.  I remember when I lived in NYC I would just stop on the street and pause to send love out to everyone.  I am able to acknowledge that when I am sad, or lonely, or lost, or hurt: Life still goes on.  For me and for everyone.

 I may have just had a challenging day but I don’t know what anyone else has gone through today. {tweet it!}

The cashier checking me out may be a single mom of 3 kids with a mother who is fighting cancer.  The man who I pass in the grocery aisle may have just lost his wife and baby to a drunk driving accident.  The teen outside may have abusive alcoholic parents.  We never know what the people sharing the same space as us are dealing with.  We all just keep marching along, some with heavier feet and hearts then others.

So, whenever I am out in the world, I make sure to be conscious of this.  J. M. Barrie (creator of Peter Pan), really said it best…didn’t he?

Be Kinder Than Necessary.


So, how about it?  Will you join me in my mission to be kind, to be generous, to be loving, even in traffic?

Posted in Dear Diary | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Love Infinitely

A couple of weeks ago I opened my inbox to find a lovely acknowledgment message.   I absolutely love getting emails from all of you.  The ones where you spill out things you have never admitted to anyone.  The ones that you tell me how much you appreciate what I am doing.  The ones where you share things that you make up I will be interested in.  I love that I am so connected via the magical interwebs to all of you, wherever you are physically and emotionally.

The email in particular that I am writing about is incredibly inspiring.  Brenda (the sender), is incredibly inspiring.  Check her out:  Continue reading

Posted in Love It! | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Holding Space

The people have spoken.  I say hold space often, after my I Make Sh*t Up Video, I had some people asking what the heck is this hold space I speak of.

Imagine the ultimate non-judgement, full of compassion, love, and patience.

Holding space is so important to me that I have it carved in my skin as a constant reminder (it works, not that I am telling you to get a tattoo).

Photo by Pamela Corey

Posted in Joy TV, mental check | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

I am being grudgeless

Many of you know my back-story, that from the ages of 19-28 I was a professional live sound monitor engineer. I toured the world with Grammy Award Winning Artists making sure that every person on stage was hearing the perfect mix of vocals and instruments to their liking. They each get a personal mix that best suites them to have them performing at their best. Meanwhile, the sound engineer out in the audience (front of house) is mixing for all of you out there in attendance.

When I was not on the road working for one at artist at a time, I did plenty of local gigs and huge festivals where big name artists would come through without a monitor engineer on staff.  So, I would step in for the day.

Often times on these local gigs, I got to step in to mix monitors for bands that I loved, some even that I idolized.   During the summer of 2004, I was so excited to get to do a show with one of my favorite artists of the previous few years.

Not only did she have an amazing voice, but her songs were absolutely beautiful lyrically.  I could listen to her CD on repeat over and over again and truly feel it.  The messages in her songs reached females everywhere, building self-confidence and love.

Not only did I get to see her live, I got to work with her.  I got to be the one that delivered her performance to her.  WooHoo!  And you know what?  She was a complete bitch, seriously.  Not just to me, but to everyone.  She was cold and mean to her band, the crew that did travel with her, her mother, even the audience.  Throughout my day of working with her, I did not see her smile once.  I did not see one friendly or loving piece of her.

After that day, I never listened to her music again.  If it came on the radio, I changed it immediately.  I buried her CDs, I actually may have even thrown them out.  I didn’t just boycott her though, I vocally dissed her as well.  Anytime that her music came on, I took the opportunity to tell everyone what a true bitch she was.  I did this for years.

Then, sometime in the last two years I forgave her.   I let go of my grudge against her.  I learned about the concept of holding space and who I was being and I realized that those concepts applied to things that had happened in the past too.   I was still holding onto them, so they were still a part of me and who I am being today.  Who cares if my interpretation of her that day was that she is a bitch.  Maybe, she is a bitch.  Who cares?  Who am I being by holding onto my grudge against her?  The truth is that I still love her music.  I love the lyrics that she writes and sings.

Maybe she had a bad day that one day back in 2004, in San Diego?  Maybe she was used to working with her own monitor engineer and was afraid of the idea of working with a stranger?  Maybe she had huge stage fright and actually hated performing in front of an audience?  Maybe she was grieving?  Maybe she was sick?  Maybe those are all excuses for her behavior that day.  True, she as well needs a lesson in who she is being at all times, for all people, but who I am being in judging her?

What is more important for me to get is that whatever is going on over there,  I am still responsible for who I am being at all times.   I choose to hold space for all people, attitudes, actions, thoughts, ideas, and on and on and on, whether I agree with them or not.  I choose to be actively free of judgment.  Who I am I to judge her?  Who I am being by holding onto a grudge?  Who am I to spread my version of her to others?

I have forgiven her.  I have let go of my grudge.  I am free.

Just now on my Pandora, one of her songs came on and without any hesitation I started to sway and swing along.  For this I am grateful.

What grudge can you let go of today?


Now, that I am reminiscing about my days behind the console.  I am going to throw in few old pics!

2002 House Of Blues Chicago- where it all started

2005 Lollapalooza Grant Park Chicago

2005 Radio City Music Hall on tour with Dolly Parton

Got my thinking face on…figuring out my new digital console 2005

2008- on tour with Tom Cochrane, John Mellancamp’s crew plays a practical joke on me…

2006 on tour with Natalie Cole -catching my reflection of my gear & I squeezed into the VIP booth of the Viper Room for a special show

Fun times!


Posted in Dear Diary | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

I make sh** up.

This may very well be the most important vlog I ever share with you.   Are you aware of your thoughts and how much you are making up?  Each thought that you have is in fact made up.  Can you decipher what is real and what is the story that you are making up?

I am aware that I am making sh** up all day long, but I am aware of this, so therefore I can choose whether to believe what I am making up or laugh it off.   Being aware is the first step.

Warning.  I may say sh** a lot in the following video….just saying.

Posted in Favorites, Joy TV, mental check | Tagged , , , , , | 9 Comments